Aujourd 'hui dans ma life

wow... the flame has died

2005-11-17T03:02:52Z

I haven't posted anything up here in a while... guess i have been too tied up with the myspaceness.. and to think i hated myspace at first... what a loser i was

Yet Again...

2005-09-27T18:07:12Z

THE RIFT!!!!!!!!! ~~~~~~~~ ALL SHALL BE THERE IF NOT... YOU MISSED OUT!! ~~~~~~
S.P.O.M. SATURDAY OCTOBER 1!!!!!

HMMMM and you wonder why...

2005-09-23T17:32:57Z

Wow... y'all just don't seem to get it do you? I mean I try and try my hardest to get y'all to understand what I need from all of you and you still don't get it!

~ What do I have to do to get y'all to realize that I am not part of the group? Y'all let go of me when I got a job and quit having every damn thing handed to me on a silver platter. I have to work and be around everything that I am trying my hardest to get away from.. drugs... drama... negativity... I really don't need it all to back fire from those who have claimed to be my friends. I say I am not part of the group because if I were part of the "family" then when I was hurting and going down the wrong path... NO ONE at all mind u SHOWED UP! Y'ALL DON'T CARE. If ya did then I would have known that someone cared and I wouldn't have gotten so far into drugs and I wouldn't have to leave Germantown. ~ That's right I am blaiming you for my leaving Germantown! ~ I don't blame anyone about the drug use thing but myself but I don't want to go back to germantown becuz i get treated like shyt. Lets see how many "friends" I have and see how and how often i hear from them.

~ Ali,
I hear from her only when either she has done something funny or when I have called just to bullshyt and she has to get off the fone.

~ Erin,
Not anymore since I told her I was done with her... or when she wanted to have a damn convention with me that would only make me want to go back to it.

~ Danna
Every so often and it's not negative at all... we just talk

~ Zack
When he feels like yelled at my answering machine and making me feel like I am worth less than that of a penny

~ Kelli
When she needs some one to talk to

~Pip
He is good about letting me know he cares... hell he was there for me this summer where were u? Out shopping with you friends? Damn don't I feel loved

~Joel
I know he cares

~ Abbey....
EVERY DAMN DAY YALL!!! even tho when she needs me I am at work... she still shows that she cares and calls to see what is going on.... If I didn't have to work so much I would be there for her every second she needed me and once I am ungrounded bet ur ass I will be there when ever I can.

~ Cliff (Gnome)
Not since the day he left me at home... I take that back... the Saturday he left me

~ Brennan
When he can be... but he'll always answer my fone calls

~ Big Poppa
Damn there are some hearts in that School

~~~~~ Now how many friends does that sound like I have? Right contemplate that while you spread the next rumor around about me.

Laila (O.N.W.)
Midnight
Beauty???

confusedmunkeyz @ 2005-09-23T00:10:00

2005-09-23T05:11:06Z

You are a random vampire. You fly upside-down, you
are the nuttyest vampire around.
Good points:
friendly
energetic
Bad points:
crazy
very random

A "What Vampire Are You?" quiz
brought to you by Quizilla

Your element is Rain: Sad, lonely, distant and
unique. You are quite distant from emotion and
people, but you have been made this way by one
thing or another. You are truly unique yet fail
to see it, and are quite creative be it in art,
music, writing, ect.. You used to let people in
now you don't even bother to try having been
hurt so many times in the past. Your attitude
is that you don't need anyone but yourself,
people are just trouble waiting to happen. But
you really do want to trust someone no matter
if you see it or not, deep down your waiting
for someone to come and set you free. This kind
of depression can turn dangerous, don't let
them get to you. Not everyone in the world will
hurt you, humans are humans and are not
perfect. So most likely sooner or later you'll
meet someone who feels like you do and perhaps
your shell will eventually disappear.

.:-|What is your true element?|-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by Quizilla

bored bored bored!!!

2005-09-21T17:30:13Z

Stoner Bear

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ha!!!! That's me alright

~Guardian Angel~
A protecter. A fighter. A defender. You will do
anything to protect the ones you care about.
You wll even self sacrafice yourself for them.
You think they deserve more than you, and you
think its your duty to protect them, in anyway
you can.
A guardian, will help,
physically and also emotionaly, But they will
also protect themselves.
Weapon:Sword
"I will die to protect, to know that.. i
have done this for those i care about"

What is the angel form of your spirit?
brought to you by Quizilla

Weird... these tests are telling the truth... damn I have way too much time on my hands

Your fated to have a Dark love.
Probably a lover of things gothic, your
artistic and original. Although you're a loner
and independent to a fault, all you will need
is him, and he will feel the same...

Please rate aaaaand... eat chocolate bars?
*cough*rate*cough* ^^

What Love are you Fated for? ~AWESOME anime pics!~
brought to you by Quizilla

just a really pretty pic... and a decent quiz

Your fated to have a Dark love.
Probably a lover of things gothic, your
artistic and original. Although you're a loner
and independent to a fault, all you will need
is him, and he will feel the same...

Please rate aaaaand... eat chocolate bars?
*cough*rate*cough* ^^

What Love are you Fated for? ~AWESOME anime pics!~
brought to you by Quizilla

You are none of them! But you're not Mr./Miss
perfect.

Which Of the 7 Deadly Sins Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

RIGHT!?!?

You're a dreamer. Smart and probably a little
sarcastic, you tend to have your head stuck in
the clouds. You love things like writing or
art, creating things from your own mind and
bringing them to life. You are an observer,
listening instead of talking. You can tell who
a person is by just listening to them for a
little bit. You are also a little bit lonely,
probably hurt from trusting someone too much.
You believe in love, but you know the pain it
can bring. You forgive a little too easily, but
you can also hold a grudge longer than anyone.
Know that not everyone is a nice person and
some people will take advantage of your seeming
naivete. Be a little more cautious but for the
most part, don't change.

Your Personality (detailed outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla

Morpheus

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

I told yall I was a god... you just didn't want to listen lol

May,
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly
motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered.
Attracts others and loves attention. Deep
feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally.
Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily
consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to
dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding.
Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good
imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing.
Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling.
Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having
many children.Hardworking. High spirited.
Spendthrift.

What does your birth month reveal about you? (read memo)
brought to you by Quizilla

You will be an actor/actress.
You can make people laugh, cry, think and you can
entertain them with ease.
And here comes the quiz taker down the red
carpet!!!
Please rate and message

What is your calling in life? With manga pictures!!!
brought to you by Quizilla

People see nothing in your eyes. You seem to either
be indifferent about everything or are trying
to cover up a lot of pain. Your eyes have a
cold stare that can make people shiver. Try to
show a little more caring, because your hard
exterior most likely drives people away.
...stop looking at me like that...stoppit!

What can people see in your eyes?(great ANIME pics)((IMPROVED!!!))
brought to you by Quizilla

Y'all wanted to fucking know...

2005-09-04T04:48:59Z

... so here's the story straight from the horses mouth.

I am a weak person. I have to self restraint what so ever. I should have realized this the night that Cliff broke up with me. I started taking coricidin every day... every night... every chance I could. That was my fuck up. I told myself I would stop as soon as school started... but that didn't happen either.
~ It got so bad that one Sunday after my dad came in town that I went to the store and bought a box of 3c and took the entire 16... the next morning I went and bought another box and took the 16 again... apparently I didn't want to go to class so I stopped on the stairs outside of MA and an administrator found me. I don't remember much but yeah... I ended up at Lakeside being interviewed to see if they wanted me to stay... so there is that story.

If anyone cares here are the feelings that are going through me right now.

I want to completly disappear... I don't want any of you to remember me or anything that I have done. I want to start completly over. But I know that if I stay where I am I am still going to want hang out with the so called "friends" I have now.

I know I lost two great guyz this summer... one for the mere fact that I liked him too much and the other because I can't hold my emotions back. I wish I wasn't who I am at all... The drugs just seemed to help me get all of the feelings out but apparently they helped a little too much.

I care more about my friends than I do myself. I want to help them and that consumes me... I don't have time to focus on me. But occassionally I will bust out crying because all of these damned emotions want to blow up inside of me.

My dreams are haunting me... I dream of Cliff taking me back... I dream of taking coricidin... stealing it... racing around town just to find it... I dream of how good it made me feel... numb to all the idiocity of high school.... I dream that I didn't screw up with Cody and that he makes me happier than ever... I dream of the friends at school... that they actually do care... but...

Betrayal is why I no longer trust a single soul. Y'all clearly see someone.... a friend no less... in need of help and you don't even stop to give them a hug... You're too damned busy with YOU!!!!!!!!!

I don't blame my dependancy on anyone but myself... but I do want to that there much better ways for you to show that your care. How unfair is it that I want a little help with my problems from what I'd like to call friends but apparently in my case they don't exist until they need my help. I AM NOT THAT GOD DAMN STRONG!!!!!!!!!

Why do we use people for what they can give us? Girlfriends and boyfriends even... we use them for the comfort they can give us... Can we not even have a true relationship of any sort????

I trully wish I could switch schools or go to Gateway... but that doesn't seem to be the case... I will be back at school soon and y'all I want you to take this into serious consideration.

Erin~ Hun... you were probably one of the first friends I made here at Germantown. We had some serious fun last year... But... once summer came and I got a job I seemed to disappear from your life all together. Hell you even said it yourself... "We never see you anymore... miss ' I've got a job ' " NOT FAIR!!!! Just becuz I don't have every damn thing handed to me on a silver platter... I am no longer included... You have come so far in the short time I have known you... you have matured and for that I am proud of you....

Ali~ I never know when or what I can say to you. I love you to death but babe, when I say I am sorry.... damnit I mean I AM SORRY!!!!

Kelly~ In the short time I have known you I have grown to love you. You are my cute little monkey... I know you have had some hard times and you are dealing with them the best you can. But one thing... get your story straight before you try to update people on my status... had you come and seem me like you promised you would have had that story straight...

Clifford~ You well know that I still love every bit of you. Your goofy little smile, that no matter how emotional I was, could make me smild. Your odd sense of humor and the warmth of you hug... Maybe once I sober up a little I will be able to let go of the past and the memories. The other night when you called and I heard that ring tone that I haven't heard in so long... my heart skipped a beat. and I apologize cuz I really shouldn't have lashed out at you the way I did. I will probably always have some sort of feeling for you but I suppose it's about time that I let that go... I do have one thing to say... who ever you end up with will be a lucky lucky lady...

Kate~ You totally betrayed me and I have no respect for you anymore. You know you are just like me... you know that you like the drugs as much as I do... and I never even showed up to work when you worked there high.... not at all...

Starla~ How could you do this to Abbey... you told her she was one of your best friends...

Anyone else that I forgot to mention either you have done nothing to piss me off... or I have plain forgotten what you did.

I still want to disappear... until I do... ironically I still love each and every one of you

Laila (O.N.W.)
Midnight
Beauty???

Drugs and Friends

2005-08-03T04:13:01Z

GOD!!! I need drugs and friends to hang out with for right now... I have been hanging out with Pip which is cool... but I feel myself starting to like him... not good. I still like Cliff actually I still love him to peices but who said he had to know that. Well I am going to go sleep or something... maybe catch up on some reading I am supposed to be doing for school... oops

confusedmunkeyz @ 2005-07-09T06:48:00

2005-07-09T12:25:45Z

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Hmmmm... it's actually true!!!

You Are 25 Years Old

25

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Your Love Style is Agape

You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner.

Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare.

You are willing to sacrfice your world for your sweetie.

Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you.

For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.

What's Your Love Style?

so here I am....

2005-07-05T03:49:23Z

here I am... alone... being scared out of my mind.... I hate thunderstorms... when I am alone. I mean come on people 4th of July is not meant to be celebrated alone... meh... oh well going to bed now... night night

confusedmunkeyz @ 2005-07-04T00:07:00

2005-07-04T05:07:18Z

*[HAVE YOU EVER..]*
been kissed..	yeah... well... It's Laila we're talking about
lied to a friend..	yup... bad habit
dyed ur hair	mmm.... well YEAH
dressed punk	... I guess
kissed a girl	yup
saw something u didnt want to	.... naughty naughty sister o'mine!!!
danced in the rain	yep... 'tis the greatest thing ever!
lied to ur parents	yup... o well
went barefoot in the snow	... hell no... snow is just there to pee in or to throw snoballs... but when it falls.... beautiful
played hockey	nope
made ur own clothes	yeah... unsuccessfully
*[IN THE LAST 24 HOURS..]*
got in a fite	.. with myself
took a shower	do baths count?
gave a dirty look to someone	yeah... bitch that came into work today... glad she didn't see me tho
cried=(	yeah... well ... not like Captain's party crying
did a cartwheel	nope... not that talented
went to school	hell no
shopped	.... nope
danced	at work
got sick	of being called at 5:30 in the morning
did something u regret	.... to much coffee... not enough food!
discovered something new	hehehehe.... yep
*[IN SCHOOL YOU...]*
run to class because ur always late	no... Laila doesn't run
act perfect	... sometimes... when I want a good grade
act hyper	acting is my thing
are a nerd	hell yeah... well there is a difference between being a nerd and a dork... but I'll get back to ya on that
in band??	nope... but I miss colorguard some days
*[RIGHT NOW UR..]*
in ur pjs	yup...
drinkin	nope
listening to music	nope
watching a movie	deciding on what to watch and where to sleep
iming someone	nope... I'm not in a talkative mood
talkin on the fone	nope
eating	was
*[CLOTHES..]*
hot topic or abercrombie and fitch	hot fitch..... lol hot topic
thongs or briefs	briefs
boxers anyone?!?!	boxers are great
sweatpants or jeans	jeans
longsleeved shirts or short sleeve	long sleeve
tube tops or tanks	tanks
*[CURRENTLY .. ]*
current clothes	shorts and a bleach stained shirt... and not the cool kind of bleach
current mood	... tired but happy... very happy
current music	.... none... except the song I heard on the way home. It just wont get outta my head
current taste	........
current make-up	running mascara... I'm bad at taking eye makeup off
current thing I ought to be doing	sleeping
*[ LAST PERSON .. ]*
you hugged	Cliff
yelled at	Ma
IMed.	Chris.... the one here y'all don't worry
you touched	Cliff
*[ EiTHER/0R .. ]*
coffee or hot chocolate	COFFEE!!!!!
big or little	does it really matter?
lace or satin	satin
new or old	old
vogue or cosmopolitan	vogue
skirt or dress	skirt
wool or cotton	cotton
*[DO YOU..]*
put on a "front"	maybe... unintentionally... no one is perfect
have a crush on someone	Cliff
if u got a tatoo where wud u get it	lower back or right by my hip bone
*[RANDOM QUESTiONS..]*
waht is the online symbol u use the most	...
u have a boyfriend or girlfiend	yes...
who's hotter, Josh Hartnett or Chad Michael Murray	neither....
what was the last thing you said	"Come back inside Casey"
who would u want to be stuck in an elevator with	well that's a question I have to ponder while I sleep
do you like stickers	meh.. when I get them I want to put them somewhere but then i don't know where to put them so they sit in my room... collecting dust
do u play with mad libs wen ur bored	nope... tweedlie dee
are you suicidal	sometimes
is your window open	nope
what was the last pair of shoes you bought	shoes for work... that I can't even wear to work
do you have a little brother	yep
does he draw you cute pictures	nope but a little girl did today that came into work... it was so cute!!!
where do your grandparents live	everywhere
what do you think of when you hear the word click	clique
are you a moron	somedays
do you like trampolines	yeah... but they are too much work
have u ever accidentally sucked something up in the vacuum	lot's of things... like rugs and socks
did you see American Pie 2	nope
do you cut yourself	used to... haven't in a really long time
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

10 things I hate about u and things I am afraid to admit...

2005-07-01T06:18:09Z

1~ I hate that when I think about what I want to do with my life later on... I try and level around what you want to do with yours.

2~ I hate that when I try and look pretty... expecting you to totally not notice... you do

3~ I hate that when we lie on my bed and cuddle there is nothing but warmth between us...

4~ I hate that as soon as I have closed myself off from ever wanting to love someone again... you open me up again.

5~ I hate that when you are hurt I want to cry

6~ I hate that when you smile... I fall in love with you all over again...

7~ I hate that I have the biggest crush on you but I already have you

8~ I hate that when you hug me... I smile

9~ I hate that when I lay in bed tossing and turning... I always end up thinking about you

10~ Most of all I hate that I let myself love you but I can never open myself up to tell you everything I am feeling... and I hate that... I don't have to verbalize it to let you know how much I love you.

****** Sorry watched 10 Things I Hate About You and now I am thinking alot ********

Ok... well... last night I did lay up thinking about stupid stuff and here it goes

~~~ It seems that for me sex is easier to have than laying and just talking under the stars. I am so backwards. But talking normally ends up opening up and letting someone know who I really am... but that's not fair seeing as I don't even know who I really am...

~~~ Ma is right when she says that I am a hermit. I do like keeping me to me... but every now and then I want to go out and have people know who I am.. but I don't do it because what if no one really likes who I am. So if I am out and about having fun with friends... then I just act hyper and don't really know what I am doing.

~~~ If I stayed here in Memphis would I be happy? What could I do with my life here? And what if I do stay here for him... then it doesn't work out... will it all be for nothing?

~~~ I don't want to be alone for all of my life. I don't want to end up like my mother...having a relationship that I am never sure of... I also don't want to end up like my father... married 5 times, dependant on others, to many kids to take care of, and not really sure of who I am with.

~~~ I am so happy now. Ma even says that she has never seen me as happy as I am now. I don't thinkg I have ever been this happy. I smile when I think about him...whenever I talk about the future around Cliff I bite my tongue because I am not ready to admit that I now want to stay here... for god knows what reason.

~~~ I am only 16... there's no way possible this could be a forever thing right? Am Itaking it too far? Is it possible to be in a good relationship and not think about living life with them???

*~*~*~*~ To be continued *~*~*~*~

Funerals and Testosterone

2005-07-01T04:29:47Z

Man... funerals are not what they used to be. Are they or are they not supposed to be for the person who died... to honor them and to remember how great they were. Somehow.... They have turned into... oh poor pitiful me... I will miss them...this is what I will do from now on... yada yada... we all know that if u speak at a funeral u loved them... but say something other than " I don't know what I am going to do without them..." It's not about you. Talk about that in the privacy of a friendly conversation...

~ On a different note... why is it that guyz never accept help when they need help? Maintaining the macho man image huh? silly... stupid. Well Cliff got his foot ran over today... couldn't walk on it... then decides he is fine to drive home.... OR NOT! the idiot drives a stick shift! You need BOTH feet to drive those things... but oh now... macho image has to come into play... ugh... wow.. pissy day. Why is it that when ever I do try and help no one ever accepts it? UGH I am over it... laterz

LAILA HAPPY! Hiya Fred

2005-06-29T05:57:13Z

Dude y'all... I am moving... into a house!!!!!! It's off of Stout Rd. So I am closer to alot of people and well.... I will have a pool of my own.... with a rock waterfall nonetheless!!!! I am hoping to convince Ma to let me have a pool party before school starts but I don't know if we will be fully moved in by then... anyway I hope this photobucket thingy Ali helped me with works.... I shall give it a try.

Ain't it perdie?

Wow I can't wait... dreading the work of the move but... oh well... it shall be worth it... to get away from the loud upstairs neighbors... (as they stomp around and play really loud Micheal Jackson songs)

Doesn't it just look... well... beautiful?

Hmmm... swimming in my own pool... how happy am I? Wow... Fred and I shall go wrestle now... crap... I forgot I can't smoke in the house... oh well I shall sit out on the porch... alot

Do I dare??

2005-06-28T05:02:16Z

Do I dare post the convo I have been having with Chris for the past few days?

~ I am a bit weary about posting this becuz I don't know how much trouble it will get me in... but oh well.

here we go....

~~~~(Day 1)~~~~
~Chris~
~~ Hey baby what's up how's work I'm off for a week too bad I can't see you do you miss me write back

~Me~
~~ Aww blushing

~Chris~
~~ I guess I better stop flirting before I get you in trouble with bf right beautiful

~Me~
~~ Where did all this come from?

~Chris~
~~ What are you talking about remember you in love so it can't be anything baby

~Me~
~~ No I mean what made you miss me all of a sudden

~Me~
~~ Anyway work is good... I have already made a six dollar tip

~Chris~
~~ That's good. Other than that how's ur day been you wonderfully beautiful xfiance of mine by the way stop smiling baby

~Me~
~~ I'll try. Good day 4 you?

~Chris~
~~ Why not for your bf

~Me~
~~ Huh?

~Chris~
~~ Why not have a good day for your bf he much more specialer than me remember you love him now not me

~Me~
~~ Wow aren't we happy today?

~Chris~
~~ Write that again I didn't get it out of service

~Me~
~~ Well aren't we happy go lucky today

~Chris~
~~ Well I could have a lucky day if you were here baby

~Me~
~~ Lucky meaning wat exactly

~Chris~
~~ Its me why do you want to sexy by the way I know your smiling stop

~Me~
~~ Confused

~Chris~
~~ Are you going to write back or do I need to leave you alone

~Me~
~~ Ur last message

~Chris~
~~ What did it say remember I have a bad memory

~Me~
~~ Too much smokin...

~Me~
~~ To tell u the truth i am flattered that the memories make u miss me but can it not be just a frind thing?

~Chris~
~~ Yeah it's not like I have a choice even if I could have you back you wouldn't take me I don't blame you I treated you like shit and I wish I wouldn't have

~Me~
~~ I'm just scared of being hurt.. Plus us talking as friends is kinda cool

~Chris~
~~ Yeah I guess and you deserve better than me

~Chris~
~~ Yeah I guess and you deserve better than me I thought I would send it again I didn't know if you recieved it earlier

~Me~
~~ I don't want u being so down on urself... U know as well as I do how long it took me to get over u and I really dont want to open myself up like that...

~Me~
~~ ... again... and us talking pleasantly is good enought for me right now

~Chris~
~~ Ok I did recieve the last message as long as your happy I don't care just wish I could tell you how I feel

~Me~
~~ You can... hell how many times did I call u crying? Just tell me

~Chris~
~~ About you and I'm not going to cause I'm not going to fuck up any more with you youve already been too hurt by me so im going to keep my feelings to myself

~Me~
~~ That causes more pain than it's worth... just tell me

~Chris~
~~ No were here

~Me~
~~ Ok well if u feel like opening up later... text me

~Chris~
~~ Ok bye beautiful

~Me~
~~ Laterz

~Chris~
~~

~Me~
~~ Why did u send blank message

~Chris~
~~ Going to the beach I'll call you later

~Chris~
~~ I didn't mean to going to the beach I'll call ya later

~Chris~
~~ Hey beach is beautiful how are you

~Me~
~~ I'm good got two handles of vodka

~Chris~
~~ We've got a whole frig full

~Me~
~~ Awesome!

~Chris~
~~ Yep going back to the beach have fun with you bf tell him i said hi I know he's with you

~Me~
~~ Y r u being so mean about this?

~Chris~
~~ About what

~Me~
~~ Me having moved on

~Chris~
~~ Are you there do you not want to talk to me

~Me~
~~ Bad service here out in bum fucking nowhere

~~~~(Day 2)~~~~

~Chris~
~~ Well sorry about the service are you mad at me

~Me~
~~ Nah not mad... Fone died

~Chris~
~~ Write back

~Chris~
~~ Ok your pissed off so I'll leave you alone bye

~Me~
~~ Ah ok well srry about not texting fone died and then work... So I am a bitch am I?

~Chris~
~~ Who's fone

~Chris~
~~ After tonight I cant text soo

~Chris~
~~ Your being one who's fone

~Me~
~~ Mine... Ran outta charge... And how am I a bitch?

~Me~
~~ You wouldn't like who I am now anyway I have changed... I get high alot lately I trip on Triple C ALOT! And I guess I am not "Leslie" anymore...

~Chris~
~~ Your right. Your not the person I fell deeply in love with!

~Me~
~~ Ouch... Ok if u can be mean then so can I... If u loved me as much as u say u did then how come u broke my heart as many times as u did?

~Chris~
~~ Because you deserve better than me. So I had to show you that cause you can do better and you have.

~Me~
~~ So u planned all that out? That's plain cruel...

~Chris~
~~ NO! I didn't! And if you think that then fuck you!

~Me~
~~ I don't I am just trying to prove a point... U don't/didn't love me the way u sed u did or u wouldn't have hurt me the way u did...

~Chris~
~~ Thanks you vibrated my dick

~Me~
~~ Figures I get close to making a point and it turns sexual
(Don't it figure? All penis's take over at the worst times! I mean I can never make a point when talking to straight guyz cuz they never can take control of their penis!)

~Chris~
~~ No! I was just letting you know you can still turn me on without being near me! No im just trying not to argue

~Me~
~~ Thank u

~Chris~
~~ For what? Getting horny?! Oh by the way... stop smiling ;)

~Me~
~~ No thanks 4 not wanting to argue...

~Chris~
~~ Oh I thought we were going to try a new way tohave sex text sex you smiling arent you

~Me~
~~ No not really... Tired and worn out

~Chris~
~~ I'll do all the work just like used to

~Me~
~~ Chris... U need a night in with JILL

~Chris~
~~ I did last night Leslie I'm touching myself

~Me~
~~ Good 4 U... I am eating candy

~Chris~
~~ Ok while you do that can I eat you

~Me~
~~ Nah I am good

~Chris~
~~ Fuck you then

~Me~
~~ Well pardon me 4 not being horny

~Chris~
~~ Well you wouldn't anywayz

~Me~
~~ Prolly not

~Chris~
~~ Fine you really have moved on haven't you

~Me~
~~ Yeah... Buts wats wrong with us being friends

~Chris~
~~ Nothing

~Me~
~~ Well I don't know what to say...

~Chris~
~~ Do you not have anything else to say

~Chris~
~~ Ok sorry I was flirting I thought you still had feelings for me but I was wrong oh well

~Me~
~~ Wow ok quit being so negative

~Chris~
~~ Ok then

~Chris~
~~ Well becuz I fucked up in letting you go

~Me~
~~ Nice to know u appreciate me more now

~Chris~
~~ Well people always say you never know how special something is till you lose it

~Me~
~~ True

~Chris~
~~ Am I right

~Me~
~~ Yeah

~Chris~
~~ Your apparently busy so call me later

~Me~
~~ Sorry I didn't answet didn't hear it ring... Watching Bill Engval with Cliff and parents

~Chris~
~~ Sure whatever

~Chris~
~~ Are you just talking to me because you have nothing better to do?

~Chris~
~~ Ok fine fuck you sorry I even tried being friends with you so fuck you

~Me~
~~ Dont be like that I didn't even get ur last three texts til like two mins ago

*****Ight.... so that's how the last few days have been going with the convo with Chris... I don't know what to say about it... I mean I have tried to be friends with him but straight guyz only ever have one thing on their mind ever... their penis. It's like Bill Engval says.... guyz have three basic needs 1.) Eating 2.) Sleeping 3.) sex.

But y is it when I am trying to push two guyz away (there's a kitchen worker trying his hardest to get a date with me) And trying my hardest to get Cliff's attention it is nearly impossible.

I have had a terrible day. I mean work was pretty good... but I continue to get shitie tips. But I came home and washed my car... like I scrubed it clean.. and it decides to rain.

I shaved my legs... wore a skirt... trying to get Cliff to notice me I straightened my hair (once again the rain... blah) and he doesn't say anything... except... "I like the glasses"

I drove out to Stout Rd. and tried to find this house that Ma is looking into renting and couldn't find it

I drove to Kroger to get cheaper gas and the rain had knocked out the gas system or sumthin... so I drove back towards my house since I thought Cliff was coming over and stopped at the BP on Winchester to get gas... That wasn't working either... So I drove down to Lawrance to the BP there and finally got some gas... but as I was walking out the wind decided to blow and my skirt went flying...

By then my fone was working again and I got two voicemails. One from Cliff telling me to go out to Starbucks on Ridgeway and Poplar... and I thought he said he would come over later... the second one was from mom letting me know it was cool for Cliff to come over.

Well Ma wasn't happy when I called her and told her that everyone was at Starbucks and she wasn't happy that I was asking to drive down Poplar so I decided to go by Ridgeway. Go lost... couldn't find Starbucks. Think I passed by it like twice. Got really pissy

Took Danna home with Erin and Cliff followed. Got some Adderall that I planned to sell to a girl at work but ended up taking them... oops. Started getting tired and said I wanted to leave so I started to head out thinking that MAYBE Cliff was going to come back with me but... NOPE he just told me to give him a hug and a kiss. So I texted Cliff to let him know I was agravated.... this is literally what I said... word for word "Urg... I shaved my legs and got pretty 4 u" and he writes back "And I liked it." nothing more. Meh... agravated

I tried to spend the night with Danna but Ma wouldn't let me cuz I have to be at work in the morning.... BAHUMBUG! I have to expo tomorrow... which is crap cuz I wont be waitressing. Well Meh.. if anyone has actually read to this point I applaud u... This is a long post. I am too lazy to write in my private diary so... I wrote here. So rest ur eyes.

OH YEAH! I meant to say this... I asked Ma if I paid for it.. and promised to stay in... if she would go and get me some Smirnoff from Kroger and I think she might have had she not been so tired and didn't think I just wanted to drink cuz I was mad... she would have done it for me... YAY! Well... like I said rest ur eyes.

Laila (O.N.W.)
Midnight
Beauty???

Stole from David

2005-06-25T05:16:39Z

1. Reply with your name and I will write something random about you.
2. I will then tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I will pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I will say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I will tell you my first memory of you.
6. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll then ask you something that i've always wondered about you.
8. Put this in your own journal.

confusedmunkeyz @ 2005-06-25T00:01:00

2005-06-25T05:07:44Z

I complain about being fat and then I sit at the computer eating a chocolate shake from the blender and complain about it on LJ.... ah such a circle I weave.

Why is it that people always try new things out on me? Meh... oh well I open myself up to it.

Asshole is now slighly less of an asshole... except not... he's being nicer and not hanging up in my face... but on the flip side he is telling me he wants me that he misses what we had and yadda fucking yadda... blah-de-da... oh well

I'm hungry and this shake is just not working to fill me up... OH REESIES... must...... stay .......... away.....

I think I may be a substance abuser... NAH!!!

My mind... it rambles... (is that a shirt or should I copyright it and make it one?)

Til the next time I have millions of thoughts in my head....
Laila (O.N.W.)
Midnight
Beauty???

confusedmunkeyz @ 2005-06-23T01:11:00

2005-06-23T06:11:29Z

1. I miss somebody right now.
2. I watch more tv than I used to.

3. I love olives.
4. I love sleeping.
5. I own a home.
6. I wear glasses or contact lenses.
7. I love to play video games.
8. I've done something illegal.
9. I've watched porn movies. [lmfao.. don't even ask.]
10. I have been in a threesome.
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
12. I like my handwriting.
13. I have acne-free skin.
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton.
15. I curse frequently.
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
17. I have a hobby.
18. I've been to another country.
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
20. I'm really, really smart.
21. I've never broken anyone else's bones.
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
23. I love rain.
24. I'm paranoid at times.
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
26. I need money right now.
27. I love sushi.
28. I talk really, really fast sometimes.
29. I have fresh breath in the morning.
30. I have semi-long hair.
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas.
32. I have at least one brother and/or sister. (are u kidding me? my dad is a man whore)
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs.
35. I have a twin.
36. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
37. I like the way that I look.
38. I have lied to a good friend in the past 6 months.

39. I know how to do cornrows.
40. I am usually pessimistic.
41. I have mood swings.
42. I think prostitution should be legalized.
43. I think Britney Spears is pretty.
44. I have cheated on a significant other.
45. I have a hidden talent.
46. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
47. I've been sexually intimate with fewer than ten people.
48. I am currently single.
49. I have kissed someone of the same sex.
50. I enjoy talking on the phone.
51. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
52. I love to shop.
53. I would rather shop than eat.
54. I would classify myself as ghetto. [GHETTO-TASTIC.]
55. I'm bourgeoisie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
56. I'm obsessed with my LJ.
57. I don't hate anyone.
58. I'm a pretty good dancer.
59. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington. [I don't know one way or the other]
60. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
61. I have a cell phone.
62. I watch MTV on a daily basis.
63. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
64. I have never been in a real relationship before.
65. I've rejected someone before.
66. I currently have a crush on someone.
67. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
68. I want to have children in the future. [I'm on the fence about this one.]
69. I have changed a diaper before.
70. I've had the cops called on me before.
71. I bite my nails.
72. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
73. I'm not allergic to anything deadly.
74. I have a lot to learn.
75. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger.
76. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie.
77. I am very shy around the opposite sex. [I am very shy in general.]
78. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
79. I have at least 5 away messages saved.
80. I have been rejected by someone.
81. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past.
82. I own the "SOUTH PARK" movie.
83. I have avoided work to play on LJ.
84. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum.
85. I enjoy country music.
86. I love my best friends.
87. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
88. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
89. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.
90. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
91. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
92. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
93. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
94. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
95. I have dated a close friend's ex.
96. I'm happy as of this moment.
97. I have gone scuba diving.
98. I've had a crush on somebody I have never met.
99. I've kissed someone I knew I shouldn't.
100. I play a musical instrument.
101. I strongly dislike math. [Depends on what type of math.. I love geometry.]
102. I'm procrastinating on something right now. [Summer reading. ):]
103. I own and use a library card.
104. I fall in "lust" more than in "love."
105. Cheese enchiladas rock my socks.
106. I think The Lord of the Rings is one of the greatest things ever.
107. I'm obsessed with the tv show "The O.C."
108. I am resentful that I have to grow up.
109. I am an entirely different person around different people.
110. I think the world would be a better place if people just smiled more often.
111. I think Ramen is one of the best foods in the whole world.
112. I am suffering of a broken heart.
113. I am a nerd. (not so much a nerd... more of a dork)
114. No matter where I am or who I'm with, I always seem to be lonely.
115. I am left handed and proud of it.
116. I try not to change who I am for someone.
117. My heart resides below my feet. [What does that mean?]
118. I have had sex with someone I was not in a relationship with.
119. I enjoy smoothies.
120. I have had major surgery.
121. I have adopted a pet from the SPCA.
122. I am listening to Radiohead right now.
123. Some people call me by a nickname.
124. I once stole a music stand.
125. I like pumpkin pie.
126. I like NASCAR.
127. I own over 200 CDs.
128. I work 7 days a week.
129. I have had mono.
130. I don't have the ability to make decisions without changing my mind.

131. People tell me I have a horrible sense of humor.
132. I'm still in my PJs.
133. I'm looking for love in all the wrong places.
134. I have a tendency to fall for the wrong guys, or have them fall for me, so I can't help but reciprocate.
135. I'll try anything three times.
136. I've done drugs other than alcohol or cigarettes.
137. I'm having trouble sleeping (without you in my arms).
138. I am a cuddler.
139. I like John Waters films.
140. I have made a pornographic videotape.
141. Sloth is my favorite deadly sin.
142. One of my boobs is bigger than the other though not noticed by others.
143. I know all the words to the "Firefly" theme song.
144. I am abnormally obsessed with all things Buffy/Angel.
145. I love comfort food.
146. I'm a right-winged conservative Christian, and proud of it.
147. I'm Catholic.
148. I can walk a mile without feeling like I'm going to die.[walk that is.. only walk.]
149. I am a college student.
150. I like to cook.
151. I hate vacuuming with a passion.
152. I'm addicted to photography and picture frames.
153. I have performed in the Rocky Horror Picture show.
154. I generally get along with my parents.
156. I like to sing.
157. I'll take the Pepsi Challenge any day, and STILL pick Coke!
158. I have things that I want to say to people, but I won't/can't because I don't want to hurt/be hurt by them.
159. I'm not "mainstream" when it comes to religion.
160. I've counted down the days until the summer.
161. I've fulfilled someone's dare at a party or gathering.
162. I challenge people to duels, and when I do, I mean it.
163. I was pigeon-toed at one point in my life.
164. I love Digimon and wear goggles to school.
165. I have been to an anime convention.
166. I constantly have my head in the clouds daydreaming.
167. I am addicted to roleplaying.
168. I was in labor for 30 hours with no pain medication.
169. I own more than three items of vinyl clothing.
170. I read hardcore Christian Bible Tracts because I think they're funny.
171. I hate to drive.
172. I'm unemployed but would rather sit on my butt and play video games than look for a job.
173. I come from a southern, highly religious family and have chosen to keep a major part of my life secret from my family for now.
174. I have a serious taste for older men.
175. I had a happy childhood.
176. I have an unhealthy obsession with certain child actors.
177. I am an only child.
178. I have more than five different lotions on my desk right now.
179. I have a more active online social life than IRL. sort of.
180. Sometimes, I actually like my job.
181. I love animals, and have had at least one pet.
182. I love writing letters.
183. I haven't had sex with a lot of people, but I've had a really wide range of sexual experiences with those few.
184. I don't bleed, I percolate.
185. I sleep the entire day but am awake all night long.
186. My two children were born in the same month.
187. I like the taste of blood.
188. I do not know how to swim.
189. I know how to shoot a gun!
190. I am currently pregnant with my first baby!
191. I flew to another state when I was underage without asking/telling my parents.
192. I've experienced natural childbirth.
193. I am a HUGE "Sex and the City" fan.
194. I am currently experiencing physical pain.
195. I've lost time at work this week because my car was encased in an ice flow.
196. I'm looking for a new job that I actually like.
197. I am OCD about at least one thing.
198. I have a child named after a fictional or mythological character.
199. I have made something homemade for someone else.
200. I have gone white water rafting.
210. I now live over a thousand miles from where I grew up.
211. I watched Queer as Folk this week.
212. I believe there truly is someone out there for everyone.
213. I was in a band that never played out.
214. I have been in at least one seriously life-threatening situation.
215. I have never owned a car.
216. I am on some kind of medication right now.
217. I don't subscribe to any religion, and I'm happy that way.
218. I feel.
219. I have had things happen to me I wish never happened, but I like part how it changed me.
220. Star Trek (Next Generation & Voyager) is sexy.
221. I've tried to kill myself in the past year.
222. I could conquer the world if I desired to.
223. I fall for guys i know i can't have so there is no chance of someone hurting me
224. I have no regrets about anything: everything happens for a reason.
225. I think Billy Idol is sexy for an old guy!!!!

confusedmunkeyz @ 2005-06-22T23:50:00

2005-06-23T04:58:37Z

I hate him! I fucking want to cry right now. I hate him. Why does he have to call and bring up old memories and act all loving and all... I cant believe this. I mean Cliff doesn't even act the way that ass does!!! OH MY GOD I AM GONNA HAVE A HEART ATTACK!!!!! I mean I missed him and I finally got over him. I am soooooo over the pain. Make it stop. I just want a night with Cliff where he can hold me at night and tell me everything will be ok. But that has only happened with the one guy I want to get over... I want the feeling's gone! They are gone. Maybe I just want all that with Cliff way too much... gonna go cry now.... still talking to him... tearing up as of

How could I forget?

2005-06-19T07:45:55Z

How could I forget the little cutie known as Fred?!? He has been right next to me for quite a while but I just forgot he was there.. does that make sense?

Sorry reading some of my old posts...

OH YEAH! I have something funny to tell y'all since I am such a red neck with the Auto Traders and all.. A guy came into Cheeburger the other day with a shirt on that said 'Auto Trader Magazines' and I took time out of my busy running around to stop and talk to him about how I used to read Auto Trader religiously... lol... I meant to tell y'all that... I just thought it was funny.. but that is just me and my loser redneck self.

AH HA! I saw a shirt at Wal-Mart that I really wish I had seen when I was buying dad's father's day gift... it said REDNECK DAD and I immediatly busted out laughing thinking about my dad... The man has a mullet... ask Cliff... Dad has the massive-est mullet! Not like Travis Tritt or anything but... still it's a mullet it's not pretty...

Ali I can't believe u haven't posted about the craziness of my driving yesterday and the cop... I am too lazy to embarass myself right now otherwise I would be glad to tell the tale of how Ali has every right to laugh at me...

I just realized...

2005-06-19T06:28:43Z

1 it's cold in this house...

2 I am pathetic when I am bored... I bombard peoples LJ's with odd little comments

3 I think I have fallen for Cliff.. more than I thought would be possible after Asshole

4 it is friggin 1:24 am!!!

5 I haven't slept in like two days... I might need to try it tonight

6 My eyes look like I am trippin' on Coricidin I guess I really could try and pass it off as being tired to Ma

7 I try to be very poetic at times... especially when trying to help someone... and when I am self-sleep-deprived

8 I am listening to sappy country love songs... and loving it!

confusedmunkeyz @ 2005-06-19T00:33:00

2005-06-19T05:33:39Z

Y = Yes.
N = No.
M = Maybe, depends.
* = Already have done.
= Decline to answer.

( ) go out with me?
( ) give me your number?
( ) let me kiss you?
( ) have sex with me?
( ) play an SM scene with me?
( ) watch a movie with me... even a really sappy one?
( ) let me take you out to dinner?
( ) drive me somewhere/anywhere?
( ) take a shower with me?
( ) be my gf/bf?
( ) have a fling with me?
( ) listen to me if I called you, crying, even if you were out with all of your friends?
( ) buy me a drink if I didn't have money?
( ) take me home for the night?
( ) let me sleep in your bed?
( ) sing car karaoke with me?
( ) sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone?
( ) re-post this for me to answer your questions?
( ) come and pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of petrol in the middle of nowhere?

Father's Day Plans...

2005-06-19T05:01:32Z

I work tomorrow night from 4 to close and y'all should suggest to the family that y'all come eat at Cheeburger with the Daddy's of the world and request Laila!

confusedmunkeyz @ 2005-06-18T00:21:00

2005-06-18T05:26:41Z

have you ever felt like you wanted to tell the whole world how you felt but didn't want them to know at the same time? I don't understand how it works... I don't know why when the winter cold comes rolling in the frost hardens the heart? Why when the spring rain comes the tears fall with the sweet acid rain? and why in the world when the summer heat makes you sweat does the humidity fog your mind? Why is it that moods can change in such a random fashion? I can't understand why I continue to fuck up what is perfectly fine... I need to develope a personality! I don't know why I like to trip so much! I hate it! ugh... gotta go

confusedmunkeyz @ 2005-06-18T00:02:00

2005-06-18T05:03:25Z

Wow... I think I may have messed up... oh well... tis only life and it's easy to get over.

confusedmunkeyz @ 2005-06-15T23:00:00

2005-06-16T04:08:01Z

So today was pretty much a good day... I only had like one or two rude tables... which if you think about it that is pretty good for a Memphis restraunt... (sp?) I made fair tips and all in all it was a good work day. Rick the GM pulled me to the side and told me I did a wonderful job today so that made me really happy... anyway in other news I saw Cliff for like an hour and a half befor work today... remind me never to do that again... I ended up flooring it down Stout like 80 mph... wow.. there were quit a few stomach twisters going that fast... but here's the sweetest thing... Cliff was parked outside of Cheeburger when I came out from closing down the place. It was sooo sweet.. maybe I was wrong about the guy for once. LOL. Hey Erin... I know that may have just depressed u a bit but hun... your day will come when you least expect it. Look at this relationship for one... I was about ready to give up becuz of the burns left my Christopher (Asshole) and all of a sudden out of no where... here it is.. don't give up.. ur perfect as is... believe me! My winter rose with a sweet little dew drop... pink with blushing happiness and perfect with the fragrance of pure heart! Luvz